You Alone Can Lift My Head, Now Bowed in Shame

 "O Lord, so many are against me. So many seek to harm me. I have so many enemies. ² So many say that God will never help me. ³ But Lord, you are my shield, my glory, and my only hope. You alone can lift my head, now bowed in shame." Psalm 3:1-3

 

 Shame....

 We've all experienced it - that feeling of shame that comes over us when we've messed up and we know it. When we realize again that we fall short of even our own expectations.  Shame comes with sin.  It entered the world when Adam and Eve sinned.They immediately realized that they were naked and hid from God.  Shame isn't only attached to our sin, we feel it when those we are close to sin, when our family is less than stellar and when our own children choose to live in sin.  We hang our heads and hide.

I'm reading through the Psalms (again) in my quiet time and read Psalm 3 this morning in the Living Bible.  I've read this Psalm many times and sung songs based on it, but for the first time, it was a living picture for me and I could picture Jesus, lifting my chin and looking lovingly into my eyes, reminding me that He has washed away all my sin and shame.  He is the one who lifts my head.  His love gives me courage to look up again.  This Psalm was written while David was fleeing from Absolom.  He understood what it is to be ashamed because of the behavior of your own child.  But he looked to God who lifted his face and freed him from the shame.  

HE IS THE LIFTER OF MY HEAD! 
 

Faith Outlasts Sorrow and Our Deepest Wounds Birth Wisdom

"When darkness overtakes the godly, light will come bursting in." 
                                                                                  Psalm 112:4 NLT

This Spring was so very slow in coming!  The cold and the dark hung on like the tentacles of some dark many-armed monster and like those long nights when you can't fall asleep that seem interminable, I wondered if the cold of winter would ever pass or if we were under the curse of the White Witch as they were in Narnia before Aslan came - "always winter and never Christmas...."
My heart sometimes feels that way, that there is only more darkness around each corner, that evil is prevailing, that what I've known is only the tip of the iceberg and that there's no getting around this polar glacier.  But then I soak myself in the Psalms and I claim with David the comfort of our forever faithful and victorious God.

I recently read this insightful quote by one of the characters in Jamie Langston Turner's By the Light of a Thousand Stars:  "Maybe, she thought, the test of grief for a Christian was whether you stuck by what you knew was right even when you didn't feel like it in your heart yet.  Maybe talking publicly about "God's will" and His "perfect plan" and the "assurance of His love" was okay even though your heart was aching so badly you hardly knew what you were saying.  Maybe going through the motions of faith in a time of sorrow wasn't as bad as she had imagined....
… the habit of trusting God--could there be such a thing?  Could such a habit be a lifeline when tribulation swept over you?  Could you hang onto it during the worst of the storm without seeing any evidence that it was real?  And then when the strongest waves and winds of sorrow had passed, could you realize that what you had held in your hands all along was genuine, and that it was your means of rescue?
     Light moves faster than sound... Faith moves faster than feeling... no, that wasn't right...
     No, it wasn't a matter of the speed of faith so much as its power and permanence that was it -- faith outlasted sorrow.  Grief might knock you off your high wire, but faith was your safety net."

I just started reading The Broken Way by Ann Voskamp and think I will weep through it!  These quotes are from the first chapter: "...maybe you can live a full and beautiful life in spite of the great and terrible moments that will happen right inside of you.  Actually--maybe you get to become more abundant because of those moments.  Maybe--I don't know how, but somehow?--maybe our hearts are made to be broken.  Broken open.  Broken free.  Maybe the deepest wounds birth deepest wisdom."  and …"'Never be afraid of being a broken thing.'  I don't--I don't even know what that means.  I am afraid.  And I think this journey, this way, will not spare any of us.  But maybe--this is the way to freedom?  I've got to remember to just keep breathing--keep believing.
     In Christ--no matter the way, the storm, the story--we always know the outcome,
          Our Savior--surrounds.
          Our future--secure.
          Our joy--certain.
     When we know Christ, we always know how things are going to go--always for our good and always for His glory.
     Somehow love can lodge light into wounds.

"Maybe the deepest wounds birth deepest wisdom."

So, in my pain, I open my hands to receive His wisdom....

Worldliness - What is it?

It seems the topic of worldliness has been coming up repeatedly in the past few months from the pulpit at our church, with our preaching elders alluding to and defining worldliness in various ways.  I also have been watching one of my daughter's come of age, seeking to define her Christianity and dress standards for herself wondering who she is and where she fits in this world - asking what is modesty and who defines it.. 

 We all agree that worldliness is to be avoided, but what is it?  The Amish feel that rubber tires and electricity are worldly. Our conservative Mennonite friends believe that ties for men, neck scarves for women, movies for entertainment, and current fashion trends are all worldly.  Another church I know defines worldliness by the color of dress you wear - pink, purple and red and even some shades of blue and green being worldly and of course prints are definitely considered worldly.  There are so many voices out there trying to define what worldliness is, in fact each person or group seems to want to draw the circle to fit themselves and exclude those who are not like them.

Often when I'm wrestling with an issue, insights will come in the early morning hours as if they were dropped there by God.  The other morning a Biblical story came to mind and I knew that it applied to this issue of what is worldly!  Esau came home from hunting, thinking he would starve if he didn't immediately have a bowl of the lentil stew Jacob was cooking!  Jacob bargained with him for his precious birthright and Esau easily sold it off saying, "What good will it do me if I die of hunger?"  There was nothing wrong with the stew or even with being hungry, but there was something terribly wrong with Esau's value system and priorities.  He was willing to sacrifice the long term and spiritual for the present physical need. That was worldly! I don't think worldliness can be simply defined as what you do or don't wear or what you do or don't do, though those things will flow out of a worldly or spiritual heart, I think rather the root of it is defined by how we use the resources and things of this world.  Do we use our earthly position and resources to further the Kingdom of God or do we sacrifice the Spiritual on the altar of meeting our immediate fleshly needs and desires.  What are our priorities and where is our heart. Perhaps the outward expressions of a right heart will look different for different Christians according to their different cultures and settings and their specific gifts and calling by God.  It's much easier to just set a standard and reject everyone who doesn't fit into my "circle" but God is the judge and He is able to make my brothers and sisters "stand" if they are seeking Him. 

Years ago I read a book by Watchman Nee, Love Not the World I think I'll see if I can find it again and reread it. 

The Secrets of Heathersleigh Hall

I just finished a beautiful series of four books by Michael Phillips, The Secrets of Heathersleigh Hall. 

These are the first books I've read by Michael Phillips himself, though I've read many of the George MacDonald books he's edited.  I was so blessed by the deep heart issues he raised and dealt with in a beautiful Biblical way.  I related deeply to the prodigal, Amanda and her parents as they prayed and waited for her return.  I identified with the beauty of her return to the Father and to her family as I am daily thankful for the return of our prodigal and the beauty God continues to mold into her life and the joy we share now that she is home!  Pages and pages were filled in my commonplace journal as I read this book - Michael Phillips has a beautiful way with words, but even more powerful are the Biblical concepts easily taken to heart in story form.  I found the introduction to the ideas and political climate behind World War I and the issues of women's rights and one of the character's explanations of the atonement.   I can't wait to start another Michael Phillips series!! 

God is Faithful

Just listened to this encouraging video of music by Jonathan Urie and text by Roy Lessin of Meet me in the Meadow.  I hope it blesses you, too...  God is Faithful.

He Holds Me By the Hand

"The steps of the godly are directed by the Lord.  He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will not fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand." Psalm 37:23,24NLT

What a blessing to know that step by step we ARE being directed by the Lord.  But even more than that, that He delights in EVERY DETAIL of our lives.  When I am stressed or worried about some part of my life, not managing to "pull it together",

not sure which direction to take, or just overwhelmed with it all, I can reach for His hand and tell Him all about it, He WANTS to hear the details - He's never too busy - He DELIGHTS in EVERY DETAIL!  And even if I stumble, He is HOLDING ME BY THE HAND and he won't let me fall....  Beautiful picture!!! 

Teaching the Young Women to Love Their Children

Titus 2:3-5 KJV says,

3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behavior as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;
4 that they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
5 to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands that the word of God be not blasphemed.

Portrait of an Old Woman

 

Years ago as a young mother, I cried out, "Where are the older women?!" I longed for a mentor to walk and talk me through the wife and mother issues.  As I looked around me in church and even community, I found that most of the older women had quit with only two or three children and had sent those to the public schools for training.  They were now free to pursue jobs and individual interests and had filled their lives full. They didn't have time or answers for me. I promised myself and the Lord then, that when I got "old" I would be an older woman to the younger women.  I'll be 55 in March and my "baby" is nine years old.  I'm thinking I might be entering that "Older woman" category.  From this vantage point, I can see some of the reasons the older women of my younger years were reluctant to speak.  From this position, my own failings seem much more apparent.  Ideals have not always been realized and even when they have, I see how I missed other important things along the way.  But there are certain decisions I made and stands I took, that I wouldn't go back on given the choice again.  I'd like to talk about one of those here.  When wrestling through how to plan our family we decided to trust the LORD to design our family and the spacing of our children (more on that story here). I want to encourage you too, to love the children God hasn't given you yet, to consider them a gift and to welcome them into your life and home.   I have yet to hear a woman say, "I wish I hadn't had so many children." Even in my darkest moments with a rebellious teen, I never wished I'd had fewer children and now today with her walking with the LORD again she is a daily joy to me. But I've had dear friends who with tears of regret bemoan the fact that even reversal surgery wasn't able to bring them babies now, and their arms are empty and their hearts barren.  I can say that after years of home schooling, though I am still learning I have years of experience that would be wasted if I had no one to educate and train at this point!  You may feel that to welcome these yet unborn children is to love the ones you have less, but that has not been my experience.  If you quit having babies, you won't necessarily spend more time with the children you have - other things will come in and fill your time and you may even end up eventually spending less time with your children as your focus is much more easily diverted outside the home, when you don't have small children to keep your focus there.  Focusing on a baby or toddler doesn't need to exclude your older children from your attention, actually, it is something you can enjoy together, a wonderful way to train them for the future with their own children.  Raising little ones is a wonderful training ground and discipleship opportunity, to be embraced together as a family team. When your first few children are born, you imagine that you will be continuing to add to this chaos exponentially and feeling at the breaking point yourself with the child/adult ratio getting out of control you may desperately decide to nip this disaster in the bud.  I want to encourage you to plant liberally - you will turn the corner and begin reaping benefits of your love soon.  It may take a few years, but eventually those older children become much more of an asset than the drain they seem in the early years. You turn a corner and those you served are serving alongside you and even serving and blessing you with spiritual insight and physical service.  I looked around my kitchen the other day and there were six girls all working happily together.  A team like that can accomplish a lot in a short time!  I have gained more spiritual insight from my children than all the sermons I've ever sat under. As they share their spiritual journeys there is rich fellowship! Each of my eleven children is unique with unique gifts and I wouldn't want to be without a single one of them.  The possibilities for the advancement of the Kingdom of God through your offspring is multiplied if you are willing to embrace the children God wants to give you and divided if you reject them. Psalm 127:3 says, "Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward." I do want to say here, that God doesn't give all of us big families and if he chooses to give you none or one or two - I believe He has special ministries for you and that this is a gift to be embraced and explored.  He's not in a box. My friend and neighbor years ago conceived on her honeymoon, didn't have another baby for three years and then, though they didn't do anything to avoid children, they never had any more.  This was God's plan for their family - all His plans are good!  But if you choose to reject the children God would like to place in your family, it is a burying of your "talent" your resources, your life. If you embrace His gifts, it is true that you will be called upon to pour out your life.  Even though I don't have babies any more, I am still stretched thin - my Mom (Dad's already in Heaven) and my in-laws are aging, I am now a grandma to ten, add to that time spent with my young adult children as well as the ones still in school and you have a very busy life. But  as Jim Elliot said, "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot loose." It is my belief that you won't regret  the exchange of your life for a single one of the eternal souls God blesses you with. And remember, without Him we can do nothing, "Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it." Psalm 127:1  But as you allow Him to "build your house" and family in His way, walking with your hand in His, in obedience to His will, you will see that He does all things well.